Love does not dominate; it cultivates.- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

My mom always worries about me in her own little way. Sometimes she voices it, other times she doesn't. No matter what, she always means well. She was worrying about how things were going for me in Washington and I finally got the chance to really catch up with her. Her real worry was if things with Jake were going well because things are always different in person. I don't know if there are twinkles in his eyes (since according to Belle that is the tell tale sign) because I'm just too short to see his eyes (he enjoys using my head as a chin rest). I can say that he must really enjoy me being around because he always holds my hand in the truck and when we're walking around places. Heck- He even holds my hand when he is sleeping!

His friend Josh and I were talking the other day while Jake and I helped him find a couch for his new place. Josh told me that since I've been here Jake has been a much happier person at work. That meant the world to me to hear because Jake is a guy of VERY few words (which I'm ok with... just means I get to talk a lot!) and for his friend to notice a change in him speaks volumes.

We went to look at houses for rent yesterday. It's a daunting task, for sure, but I like how our priorities are so different and yet they come together so well. My priority is a decent kitchen, his priority is a good size driveway and garage (we'll have three vehicles between the two of us and of COURSE he can't have a normal size vehicle!). The one thing we both look for is a yard big enough for Sassy to be able to play. I really like how he is constantly thinking of Sassy.

I'm getting excited about him coming to Kansas to meet Chris and Julie and the kids and Sassy. It'll be the first time he'll meet any of my family. I know they'll ask him serious questions and off the wall questions. And I know that we'll get Belle to look in his eyes for twinkles. A part of me is sad that the Kansas trip is coming up so soon because that means that I have to say goodbye to Jake right after and I don't think I'm going to like that too much...

Jeep- 1/Libby- 0

I know this is going to make me look like an idiot, but it is kind of comical... Jake left me a set of keys that I assumed were for the Jeep (since he has his Ram). So I get in the Jeep and knew I had to move the seat up to reach the clutch (the almost foot difference in our height really makes sharing vehicles hard). So, I pull the seat up all the way. Apparently people my height didn't drive Jeep Cherokees in 1987 because even with the seat pulled as far forward as I could I STILL had trouble reaching the clutch unless I sat on the edge of the seat. To add salt to that wound: I went to put the key in the ignition and I couldn't get it to fit. I tried every key on that ring and nothing would fit. There must be a trick that I don't know about. Go ahead, DOF people.. Laugh it up! I know Jake will when I tell him this...

Since being in Washington....

I've learned a few things:
1. They actually do get summer weather here (it's barely rained in the week I've been here)
2. Just when I think I can't possibly get squished into a wall any more than I already have been, Jake manages to squish me again.
3. I'm closer to the farming industry here than I am in KS (next door neighbor has pigs, cows, and chickens while another neighbor has horses and goats).
4. Being home alone leads me to cleaning the kitchen one day and folding laundry the next. Now Jason is wondering when I'll clean his room...
5. Jake and Jason are only identical on the outside. When you look at their rooms and organizational skills you really can't get any more opposite.
6. I have found where the world stands still- There is zero cell phone reception in the house. Yes, Chris and Julie- I am going through texting withdrawal and my eye is twitching.

I also attended Josh and Kylee's wedding with Jake. It was very nice and they couldn't have asked for a more perfect day. The weather was gorgeous, the company was great... It was very laid back. I enjoyed myself, even though I was a bit tired since I had flown in the night prior.

I've also been applying to about 6 jobs a day this week. I think today I will venture outside and go exploring. Jake was nice enough to leave me the keys to the Jeep. Might as well get used to driving it!

Every love gone wrong is one step closer to your own true love- Unknown

Part of life is the dating game. When we're young it's fun and carefree, like the game Sorry. We try to make it around but someone always sends us back to start. We get over the breakups and look back years later thinking "What in the world was I thinking back then?!?!". In college the game turns more like the game Life. We go to college and get our degree and date with a little bit more seriousness so we can find our blue/pink peg to sit in that car next to us. For some, they finish Life and that is pretty awesome for them. Then there are those of us that decide to skip over Life and go for Risk. We try to get our lives in order and if the other person doesn't want to come with us then we obliterate them. Sometimes we get hurt along the way but we get back up and keep going. In the end, we'll eventually end up on top and maybe the other player will be an ally instead of an enemy.

Risk is the route I seemed to have taken. I continuously move and date and make up and break up. The last breakup kind of hit me hard because of the length of the relationship. In some ways it really tore me up. I felt like I had lost a huge part of who I am and I wasn't sure I'd find someone who would understand why I react certain ways in certain situations. I feel pretty confident when I say I think I just lucked out.

I think I found someone who may not necessarily understand my feelings but he respects them. This past weekend really showed that. He didn't get mad at me or tell me I was acting like a silly girl. Instead he just said he was sorry and hoped that we could move forward and it's ok for me to just let out my thoughts but I shouldn't always expect a response. I'm ok with that, which is a huge step forward for me. I felt so much better after that. I feel like I can go out to Washington knowing that things are working out.

That being said- The real test will be when I bring Jake back to Kansas with me for Labor Day weekend. He will have to don a purple K-State shirt (yes, Julie got Jake and me matching shirts) and cheer on the Wildcats. He will get grilled by Chris and Julie (ok, mostly Julie and probably Belle). He will get slobbered on by Sassy. If he can survive that he can survive anything. He has already earned some points by accepting my MINI obsession, laughing at my silliness, doing his best to catch me before I face plant into the ground, and shaking his head with a small smile while I make my lists, refuse to start my shopping down a middle aisle, and frantically rearrange the groceries so like items go together. Yea, I definitely got lucky with that...

Misfits

I have battled being a misfit for as long as I can remember. I never seemed to quite fit in growing up, even with my family. They all have dark hair, tan skin, and dark eyes. I have red hair, freckles, and green eyes. Granted- The older I get, the more I look like my mom. And of course my cousins on my dad's side have strawberry blond hair and/or light eyes. So, clearly I figured out that I fit in after years of not knowing my cousins. But personality wise, I just never felt like I fit in with any one. Everyone is either much older than me, or quite a few years younger than me. I didn't have the friendships that my cousins and brothers had during family get togethers.

I'm not sure I have really ever found a place where I belong. I keep moving around, hoping to find that place. I always feel like I'm on the outside of a glass house peering in at a party. I'm either the only one not married, the only one my age, the only one with a college education, the only one with only a bachelors degree, the only one with a dog, the only one without kids.... The list goes on.

I feel like the only other thing I fit with is Sassy. She is a misfit in her own way. She has a bald spot in front of her left ear from her prior order. Her nose is slanted. She has a goofy personality. She is my misfit. To some, she is just a dog. To me she the only real constant I've had the last year and a half. She snuggles with me when I'm sick, let's me cry on her, doesn't judge me... She tried helping me up when I took a nasty fall in the house and when she realized she couldn't help she just laid down with me til I was ready to get up.

I want to fit in somewhere. I get jealous of the people who have a place where they fit. They have the job where they fit in with their co-workers. They have friends that are the same age and are at the same place in life that they are. They have siblings or cousins that they really grew up with, not ones they grew up around. 

I want to be someone's missing puzzle piece...

Colorado

Last week we went to Winter Park, CO for vacation. We stayed with Julie's brothers, which was nice. The last time I was in Winter Park was when I was 17 and learning how to ski with my Girl Scout troop. Let me just say that Winter Park looks WAY different without the snow! While we were there the MINIs in the Mountains event was going on. I totally geeked out. I drooled over the new Countryman, internally squealed when I saw some tricked out MINIs, and kept my eye on the track they had set up for drivers to take their cars through.

Our first full day there consisted of fun in the sun in the area. I went down the Alpine slide for the first time. It was a TON of fun!! We also mini golfed, and we went up the lift to the top of the mountain. Belle panned for gold and found some nice gem stones.

Day two was set up for rafting down the Colorado, another treat for me since I've never been rafting before. The weather was perfect! There were some good rapids (which Belle called the Wishy-Washy things). Julie's mom lost her balance while we went over a few and slowly toppled backwards into the bottom of the raft. It was pretty hilarious, not gunna lie! We took a break halfway down the trail so we could jump off a rock into the Colorado. It isn't the height that got me- It was the freezing cold temp of the water once I hit it that shocked me! It was BRRRRRRRR cold!!! We ate our lunch and continued our rafting. I attempted to row, but clearly I had no idea what I was doing... I'll leave the rowing to the professional (Julie's brother, Paul)!!

Day three was a laid back day. We went to a nice park area where they were having a free concert. I have no idea who the opening acts were but the main act was super cool- Bret Michaels Band! He really knows how to put on a show! I recorded almost his entire set. It was another nice day out in the sun with temps below the 100+ degree weather we've been having in Kansas.

It was definitely nice to get away from the oppressive heat for a few days. That being said- It's great to be home. I missed Sassy and sleeping in my bed.

Friends are the Bacon Bits in the Salad Bowl of Life

Sassy is the cheese to Jackson's macaroni. The peanut butter to his jelly. The cookies to his milk (assuming she doesn't eat the cookies...)

Sassy and Jackson are serious BFF's. Every time you turn your head Jackson and Sassy are doing something. Sometimes it's cuddling, other times it's sharing a Pop-Tart. Jackson always shares his toys with Sassy, and sometimes Sassy IS Jackson's toy (she is a great jungle gym, apparently).

Tomorrow upped the best friend ante. Julie was outside with Jackson and Sassy, watering the garden. She turned her back on them to clean the pool filter, leaving them to their own devices. When she turned BACK around Sassy's face was soaked and Jackson had the hose (he was wet, too. Makes me wonder if Sassy had the hose first). Both were very happy.

Most often you hear "Sasy, NO! You cannot share the Pop-Tart!!" and "Jackson!!! NO! Get out of Sassy's water bowl!!! It isn't a pool!" and "JACKSON! Sassy can't eat your dinner!"

Best. Friends. EVER.